[Author’s Note: Too much information is not good to share, so some first names have been abbreviated and some surnames have been removed as this document will be posted on a special internet website, with pictures, after the funeral and internment burial rituals of my Mother.
May 15, 1930 – July 18, 2013
My Mother Phyllis Jean was born on the family farm near New Paris, Indiana - just outside Goshen, Indiana, near the center of the Amish community in the upper left corner of the State of Indiana, USA. She was born in 1930 to Orville and Louise.
Her ancestors are traced back to David Baringer Sr. (9/10/1802) and his wife Susannah Ritz Baringer (3/20/1807) in a family tree document that my mom prepared when she was a young woman. My Mom was also a member of the Vail and Engles (aka “Angels”) families of England from her Mothers’ side. Brother K2 ran an ancestral link for her 10 years ago and found that she was also related to King Charlemagne, but she rarely mentioned it.
I have the picture of her father when he was a little boy in a frame next to the picture of my Mother during this time of mourning. Her dad looks so cute in the custom-made clothes of the 1880(?). He would have been very proud of my Mother!
My mom’s mother, “Grandma L.” was likewise an amazing woman and I have a picture of her picking flowers in a frame next to my Mom’s picture, too. (Please visit the Photo link to see pictures of my Mom and many other good memoriess!)
My Mother Phyllis Jean was born on the family farm at the start of the Great Depression. Although times were tough they “always had food on the plate and a roof over their heads”. She had to spend several summers during High School working at a chicken processing plant during World War 2. She used to tell me that it was so disgusting that she never ate chicken again. As I child I did not taste chicken until I visited my grandparents’ farm when I was 12 years old!
My Mom married Virgil “Vic” in 1950 in New Paris, Indiana. They moved to Plymouth, Indiana where they raised four boys, K1, K2, M1 and M2 –that’s me, Morris Lee. Vic sold farm equipment (he sold Orville Redenbacher his first John Deere!) and he had a chicken ranch outside of town while my Mom attended to the house and her duties on various clubs and charity organizations at the Plymouth Country Club. She was a beautiful woman with a heart of gold, and she also had a golf putter that never failed her!!!
My Mom loved to play Golf and she won many, many golf tournaments in college and at the Club, and at Lakeside Country Club in Bloomington, Illinois which she loved being a member of. After child number 3 she gave up her dream to join the Ladies Professional Golf Association (LPGA) and focused on her family. She became a team player on several bowling leagues and became quite good at that sport, too, with many trophies in her name.
Mother Phyllis Jean was also a big fan of Phil Michelson (the golfer) and would have been sooo happy to see him FINALLY win the [British] Open Golf Tournament! (“Good job-Phil!” I'm sure she would say...!)
In 1963 the family moved to Maquoketa, Iowa soon after I was released from the hospital. There was a state park nearby that had a creek and a series of caves that we children used to love to play in during the hot summer. It was nice and cool and wet when we all seemed to fall into the stream at the same time! Mom would always say “I’m glad I packed the towels!” as if she just knew we were going to need them. That was my mother – always thinking ahead, always preparing for future needs.
While in Iowa, my mother joined the Episcopal Church, even though all of her family and relatives were high ranking members of the Methodist Religion. She did not do this because she wanted to. She was forced to change her religion because her husband was “in hiding” and threatened to leave her and her kids if she joined the local Methodist Church – he was so afraid that if the two parish talked to each other he would be discovered!
Less than two years after moving to Iowa our family suddenly had to move from the State of Iowa to live in Bloomington, IL after my Mom’s husband, Vic, got CAUGHT being very naughty in Iowa…
Most readers will find this hard to believe, but before the 1980’s if you wanted to escape your responsibilities all you had to do was cross a State line. There were no smart phones, no cell phones - the DMV did not use computers nor were pictures on the Driver’s License, so many people used to just “disappear” by crossing a State line to avoid jail, paying bills, and/or to escape family obligations.
Vic, the husband of Mother Phyllis Jean, did not look or act like a backwoods hillbilly - he had been an Instructor at Dale Carnegie Business School, he had a daily radio show featuring “Pork bellies and bushels of corn” and he retired as a Vice President with "Z" (an International Financial Investments Corporation).
But his public life was just an illusion…
You see, daddy Vic had a terrible evil perversion and he refused to seek treatment, because treatment would probably also mean prison time and he was too week in character to face his own punishment. So he just got worse…
Every time my Mother would drive by the now-closed “Hubbard’s Cupboard” Restaurant in Bloomington she would always remind us about the time she drove us from Iowa in “that old station wagon” stuffed with clothes and kids and “No Cash” in her purse.
She would always remind me that the Owners of the Hubbard’s’ Cupboard Restaurant were so very kind to take a chance on her Out-of-State Check, and that we were so very lucky to have a hot meal in our bellies after such a long drive.
She made it a big point to remind us to show compassion to others in need, and that even a simple gesture like sharing food can make friends that last forever.
“Endure to Persevere” is another phrase my Mother Phyllis Jean taught me to say when I was just a child. “Hang in there, Morrie” she used to tell me. “Times will get better.”
My Mother Phyllis Jean earned her bachelor’s degree from Illinois State University of Normal, Illinois (ISU) in 1968 while also teaching at Edward Elementary School as a first grade teacher and raising her family. She went on to earn her Master’s Degree in Children’s Education in 1969, then she joined ISU as a part time instructor of children’s literature, a career she enjoyed for more than 30 years. She was great at story-telling and she had lots of experience reading out loud – while raising her 4 boys, 2 years apart, pretty much on her own.
My Mother Phyllis Jean was very well known in all of the elementary schools in the Bloomington-Normal (Illinois) school districts for her gifted art of storytelling. She loved to be surrounded by little children and to read stories to them for hours.
She especially loved to read and teach the legends of the ancient Greek Mythologies and she could tell the stories in wonderful and mesmerizing ways. It was fun to watch her read, with the children listening to her every word, their eyes wide open. When she would get to a climatic part she knew just how to say the words so all the kids would jump with a start and then start laughing!
She even wrote a children’s story using her own granddaughters as characters!
(Several times she expressed hope that her rich son K1 would help get her work published, but despite his great riches he couldn’t justify the expense to his wife, Becky/Rebecca, so he would get all huffy and leave the room until she learned not to mention it around him again.)
My Mother Phyllis Jean had a very good, very close friend in Plymouth Indiana that had four daughters, and one year this friend gave my Mom a picture frame that had the four Kings from a deck of cards on the top row and then four Queens on the bottom row. In the middle it read “I guess your Four-of-a-Kind beats my Four-of-a-Kind!”
It was a clever reference to the card game Poker but actually my Mom enjoyed playing the card game “Bridge” even more and she was very good at that game, too. I’ll never forget her friends’ framed present. When I used to visit her in Bloomington we used to joke and laugh about it on display right by her front door, so everyone that visited could clearly see it. She really liked the humor and the memories of the good ole days in Plymouth, Indiana!
My Mother Phyllis Jean was also a civil rights champion for obtaining better health care benefits for the part time instructors at ISU, even though she didn’t qualify for the new benefits herself. She knew firsthand what a struggle it was & is for Teachers to pursue their career AND to provide decent health care for their family.
She seldom received the recognition that she deserved, yet she enjoyed doing nice things for other people with no thought of reward. She was truly an Angel from Heaven! I love you Mom! I miss you so much!
My Mom also served on the Vestry of St Matthew’s Episcopal Church in Bloomington, Illinois. She was a member of the Red Hat Society Cancer Survivor Group and enjoyed going to many events with her friends Ivey W., Marilynn M, Dottie B (I love your hair!) and many other very close, very dear friends and neighbors whose names escape me but I still love you for all your kindness and respect that you showed to my Mother! She was also a member of the exclusive group DAR- Daughters of the American Revolution, and she was very proud of that Club, too.
Mother Phyllis Jean enjoyed going to the ISU Women’s’ Basketball Team, every year for more than 30 years, with all of her best friends like Janet, Bernyce, and you, Mrs. Honorable Doctor’s wife whose name escapes me. My Mom was a big supporter of the ISU Women’s Basketball Team and she loved going to the basketball games ALMOST as much as she enjoyed her Chicago Cubs Baseball!!!
She really enjoyed listening to the “Cubby” baseball games on the radio. She said she liked to imagine the game in her mind by listening to the announcers call the play-by-play. Of course, she really liked it when M1 and Penny, K1 and his wife, and her many other dear family and friends would take her to the “real” baseball games at Wrigley Field!
Way back in the 1980’s when the Cubs were “in contention”, I was able to attend a Cubs playoff game in San Diego. I caught a foul ball during batting practice, sent it to my mom, and she took it with her to a Fan Appreciation Day at Wrigley field. She met Richie Hebner, talked to the GM, and got more than 10 signatures on the ball. She was sooo happy!
My Mother Phyllis Jean also loved to send and receive cards in the mail. Whatever the holiday or event she would send a card and I would try to send one to her. It meant so much to me to receive her cards that I tried to save every one of them. I‘ve mounted the cards to my bedroom door so I can stop and read her handwriting and her “witty sayings” during this time of my mourning.
I’ve lost my favorite pen-pal in you, Mom, and there will never be another! Now I have no one to write to! “Boo-Hoo- I miss you too!”
It is so comforting to feel her love over the decades in the various cards and letters that she sent to me, especially after we had a rough patch there for a while when she had to move away and I was ordered to stay away from my own Mother, to “leave her alone!” That was a very, very sad time.
I am so glad I got to visit you last year Mother. Thank you K1 for letting me see my Mother again. It meant so very much to BOTH OF US. We both knew it was going to be our last time to physically see each other, but the strength of her hands on my arm and that twinkle in her eyes showed just how much she still loved and cared for me and how good it was to be together, even for just one single day. I cried like a big baby when I had to leave the next day!
I used to enjoy calling my Mom almost every day after that last one-day visit, and often she would call me just to listen while I played with my two white goffin cockatoo birds or while I commented on the golf game playing on the television. I always waited until she hung up her phone first because I didn’t want her to fall asleep with the phone on.
[Editor’s Note: This next section addresses the issue of my mother’s departure from her beloved town of Bloomington by using a reference similar to the Children’s’ Stories that she enjoyed to read out loud so often to auditoriums full of little children.
I use this parable to try to explain the actions of people that are obsessed with PRESCRIPTION DRUGS and MONEY without using their names and causing legal ramifications. All references are fictional characters… or are they, eh what?]
In Aug 2008 the “Green Meanies” (similar to the Dr. Seuss character “The Grinch”) came and took my Mom away, with no discussion, after I asked for help with her monthly expenses. My brother K2 had just announced he was moving out of the house that I tried to buy for my Mom and brother K2. But instead of offering to help, the Green Meanie told her to pack her things - that she was moving in with him and his wife (Out of State) with only two weeks’ notice.
The Green Meanie had decided there would be no talking about the move with the brothers, no use of his tremendous gift of long-range financial planning to work out what ever had to be done for her to stay in the city she had called home for more than 30 years.
Instead the Green Meanie snatched her away from her friends and family and kept her in a faraway land where major airplanes do not land and by car it is more than a day’s drive from her homeland, five days drive from Los Angeles.
The Green Meanie then came up with an exaggerated number that included ALL of her Out-of-State moving expenses and said that I owed him all of this money. His decision was FINAL and there would be NO discussion. ”That’s it! YOU cost me MONEY!” he screamed at me like a crazy drug-person.
Then the Green Meanie ordered me to “STAY AWAY!” from my own mother until I paid him ALL the money he demanded or my mother would be left on the streets!
The wife of the Green Meanie even called and forbid me from going to my own Mothers’ burial services because she didn’t want me to be a distraction (I have seizures)!
In all my life I have never met anyone so mean as the Green Meanies! They are just plain awful!
Six months after the Green Meanie presented his demand for Money, he filed a Charge of Fraud with my insurance carrier. My insurance benefits were suspended for two years until the medical staff of a U.S. Federal District Judge reviewed my medical records.
In addition to several broken bones in my head and the many, many broken bones in my body, I learned the government doctors said I was a high function autistic with “periods of decompensation of unknown duration”.
I had to learn new “behavioral coping skills” in a Glendale Medical Center to recognize and overcome stressful triggers that sometimes bring on the seizures. Then one day the nurse rushed me to the ER when I had a prolonged seizure episode. They released me from their program after that event, but I learned many skills that I practice every day.
The U.S. Federal District Judge ordered my benefits restored under “Fully Favorable” status, and the Green Meanie was very, very unhappy.
K1 wanted to see me, his youngest half-brother, imprisoned for not paying K1 the MONEY he demanded!
K1 is such an awful, money-grubbing miser that all he thinks about is his stacks of silver and gold! He has no love for family, no true love or fear of God, only a passion for more gold and more “things”.
My other half- brother, M1, told me that both of the Green Meanies take many, many prescription drugs like Xanax, Ritalin, and other ADHD medicines that make them very smart but very aggressive.
Green Meanies don’t realize that Prescription Drugs take away a person’s basic humanity towards others and drugs can make them say and do awful, cruel things, often without realizing it, because their sole focus is on reaching a goal and “damn everyone and everything that stands in their way.”
Readers should remember that drug abusers lash out in very strange and bizarre ways, often thinking they are superior to all others. Drug abusers do not have a moral conscious, they just have a strong lust for “more toys, more drugs, more power”.
If you have a friend or relative that abuses prescription drugs, please don’t let them turn into a Green Meanie!
Help them end their dependence on all drugs!
Help them listen to the words of their Priests and Religious Elders!
Drug abuse is BAD - VERY, VERY BAD, especially with PRESCRIPTION DRUGS!!!
So why did the Green Meanie take our mother away to such a far-away land?
Was it because he was afraid that his criminal past would be revealed to his wife and children?
After all, he was arrested in the very first “Tri-County Drug Bust” in Bloomington, Illinois as a MAJOR drug dealer (while he was still a High School Junior!) in the early 1970’s. His court case was never closed after he fled to Germany as part of a student exchange program - hence, he could have been arrested on a simple traffic violation when he returned to Bloomington, so he never spent the night in McLean County again on his rare visits to see our mother in her hometown…was that why he didn’t want our Mother to stay in her hometown? Was he afraid of being arrested?
Or was it something even more sinister...?
This web page avoids the issues, avoids the "family secrets" that we were forced to keep for the sake of our Mother and my brothers.
My family is all gone now so I have no reason to keep quiet.
"When you leave a man with nothing...he has nothing left to lose"...)
Mother Phyllis Jean told all of her Sons that it was "better to build bridges rather than burn bridges", but my oldest half-brother was too busy selling drugs to High School and Junior High School students to listen to any of her words of wisdom!
I tried my best to be nice to brother K1- but the best of an idiot will never satisfy the demands of a prescription drug abusing brainiac in a position of power!
K1 the half-brother enjoyed treating strangers better than his own family, a traight taught to him by his daddy.
He learned that lesson well.
Regardless of the past, we all loved my Mom and she loved all of her sons. A mothers’ love for a Son and a Sons’ love for a Mother is not easily explained. Mother’s do not abandon their offspring.
Green Meanies like to “tout their own horn” and belittle everyone else.
How sad it must have been for Mother Phyllis Jean to be separated from her loving family and friends by such an inconvient, long distance, only to be constantly told by the wife of the Green Meanie that her "other children" were not as successful as her husband…how very sad…and how cruel of Becky/Rebecca!
Shame on you girl, you big green meanie! You will take your disgrace to the grave.
After I sent Mother Phyllis Jean flowers for Mother’s Day (which brother K1 took home with him before my Mother even saw them!) he also took away her cell phone so that no one could call her.
He said that she kept losing her phone but the truth was he wanted to screen her calls. He was tired of paying $30/month for the phone charges.
She had become his “property” and he did not like to share. “Pay to Play” has always been his moto, even among family. K1 was always a selfish Man-pig.
My Mom used to call me “Special”. After surviving a near-fatal head fracture as a five year old in Plymouth, I had another massive skull fracture, with a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), right over my motor cortex in a car accident at age 16 when a drunk driver ran a red light.
Two skull fractures, two TBI's and twice in a coma, I knew what she meant when Mom called me “Special”; and in case I didn’t, my older brothers would always remind me with their snide remarks of “Retard!”,” Stupid-Idiot!” or “More-ron!”.
Her husband Vic would NOT allow me to continue my medical treatment after the second skull fracture and TBI because he didn’t want to spend any money on my deductable (he was a true miser!) and Vic was also petrified (scared) of what I might tell the doctors and therapists.
I had a very difficult mental time for many years after that, and to my shame, I did things I am not proud of. It wasn’t until a friends’ older brother threatened to “kick my ass” that it finally sunk in that I needed to stop doing the things I was doing and to turn my life around.
It was terrible growing up as the youngest in that family with three older half-brothers but my Mom did her best to make things better and protect me from them and her ex-husband.
Vic used to enjoy telling me and my brothers that I was “not one of his”, that “It didn’t work out mathematically”(the 9 month gestation period).
I used to thank God every time he said it. My brother M1 once told me that the reason I was circumized at birth (a practice that was unheard of during the 1950's and 1960's) was because Daddy wanted to remind our mother of her supposed infidelity every time she changed my diapers. That is how sick and twisted he was in the head.
My Mother Phyllis Jean used to call me a “bundle of joy” and a “gift from God”. She never said Vic was my father and that made me sooo happy.
In the family photos I was always dressed differently from my brothers. Plus I’m black… – only kidding!
We need some humor from this heavy stuff, right?
[Remember Steve Martin in the movie The Jerk! That’s me- Morris Lee!]
My Mother Phyllis Jean weathered many emotional storms as her ex-husband would constantly call her on the phone and say he still loved her, then come to Thanksgiving dinner parading a young teenage boy in front of her, telling her he was going to adopt his latest obsession.
Her husband sure was one sick, disgusting alcoholic person.
"Endure to Persevere…"
Yes, my Mother Phyllis Jean was one tough cookie. She always hoped that the teaching of her religion, and her examples, would guide all of us in our daily lives - and Not the teachings of the lying, foul-mouthed, alcoholic, frolicking ways of her ex-husband…
At first my Mom did not want to live in South Dakota but then she liked it because she was able to participate in the weddings of two of her granddaughters and, later, she was there for the births of her great-grandchildren. She loved looking at the little babies – it reminded her of those times long ago when she herself gave birth, four times, during the happy days in Plymouth Indiana, in a big house and surrounded by close relatives and childhood friends...those were such happy times…
She found LOVE again with a retired Colonel in the U.S. Air Force while at a nursing home in South Dakota. I was so happy for her! Her friends at the home were always teasing her about her new boyfriend “Harry” and she was very coy about her new love. They became a serious item, and they even discussed living together, but Mother Phyllis Jean wasn’t ready for that, she had lived alone for decades. Suddenly the Colonel passed away last fall and it really made my Mom very, very sad for several months, she even talked about how much she wanted to die. I tried to comfort her over the phone but it’s not the same as being there. I, too, felt her loss when my pet exotic hen of 12 years died in my arms as we raced to the vet the next month.
My Mother always loved being surrounded by small children, and it is said she enjoyed reading stories to her great-grandchildren. She was a wonderful, wonderful teacher and a marvelous story teller. The BEST!
Mother Phyllis Jean will also be known for her “wild”-ly colorful outfits. She used to love to wear some of the brightest, most “psychedelic” clothes I have ever seen, especially her sleeping robe with the vertical stripes of blue, white, yellow and all the other colors it had. I would wake up and walk into the kitchen for a cup of coffee and suddenly my eyes would be dazzled by the bright and brilliant colors as she sat at the kitchen table. She told me she liked to wear bright colors because it stopped her from feeling sad and because the bright colors made other people smile!
She especially liked sitting in a chair and sleeping because it was easier for her to breathe when sitting up. You see, unfortunately my Mom grew up in a time when smoking cigarettes was considered cool, sophisticated and “grown up”. She couldn’t quit, no matter what she tried, until she finally tried to smoke outside during a South Dakota blizzard. That was her “final” cigarette as she said “Oh forget about it – time to move on to something else!” And that’s what she did! She started making scrape books instead. That’s our Mom - she was a real cool trouper!
She also loved to listen to Pat Prescott and Talaya on 94.7 The WAVE, smooth jazz radio while she was visiting in L.A. She loved the Alicia Keys’ Song
“If I Ain’t Got You”. You see, she grew up during the Golden Age of Jazz, and she often said those were some of the best days of her life, young and free with the whole world just waiting out there, away from the family farm! It must have been a very exciting time, with cinema-screen friends like Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton growing up at the same time!
When our neighbor, Irene, (NBC Studios Burbank) was able to get us special tickets to the Jay Leno Show, and a personal tour of the backstage area, she said it was a like a dream come true. Irene also asked Jay to sign some publicity photos personalized for my Mom and Mom always enjoyed showing them off to everyone that dropped by.
I remember my Mom also told me she enjoyed the watching Doc Severinsen, the band director for the Johnny Carson Tonight Show, and that she would often fall asleep in her chair watching the Jay Leno Tonight Show. Kevin Eubanks leading the band as they went to commercial break was often the last thing she saw and heard before she closed her eyes and drifted into sleep.
I like to think, and take comfort in the thought that she might have closed her eyes that final time listening to the “Johnny Carson Tonight Show theme song” announcing her arrival to Saint Peter in Heaven…
"Heeeere’s Phyllis!!!" Ed McMahon announced at the Golden Gates!
;-) I love you, Mom!
She passed away quietly in her sleep and was found at 1:33am on July 18, 2013, and even though we were not physically with her, the love and kindness of all the people that loved her and cherished her surrounded her spirit with love and lifted her up to Heaven. She lives now with our ancestors in Gods’ House, and I rest assured knowing that she is still there looking out for me.
She is survived by her sister, Aunt Sue and the memory of Aunt Sue’s husband Rene (who passed away last year), her brother Robert and his wife Florence; and the sons K1, K2, M1 & M2 -Morris Lee. She also had three grand-daughters and five great grandchildren.
She is also survived by the very big extended family members of my best friend (for more than 30 years!) Renato’s family here in Los Angeles. She really enjoyed visiting us here in Los Angeles, staying with us in our cramped little apartment and trying all sorts of different foods from the Philippines, food that she had never heard of before but bravely tried anyway. She loved to watch live theater and comedians on stage and variety TV shows with performers like “Showtime” and the drama “Be Careful with My Heart” on The Filipino Channel (TFC). She loved to support the Arts.
We are holding a prayer vigil here in Los Angeles to pray for her soul and to formally say goodbye. It’s a simple ceremony but it is a ritual that helps give us closure. In a big family like this one the prayers get repeated every few years, more than we want, but death and closure is something we are all getting used to
by now, even if we wish we weren’t. Some people get very stressed when they are not use to seeing Death so often and they need special care and understanding during this time of grief. That is why Religious Elders offer grief counseling – so you can vent your emotions in a socially-acceptable way IN PRIVATE, not via email or over the phone when emotions run high…
My Mother Phyllis Jean did not want us to be sad at her passing. She wants us to Celebrate Her Life!
She would not want bickering to ruin the day. My Mom ALWAYS loved a good party and to have a good time! She would want everyone to “have a night on the town” and hear laughter, see smiles, and enjoy the happiness of the family and friends sitting around the dinner table.
AND she also really enjoyed sitting at ANY TABLE in her favorite restaurant, “The Ozark House”, right next to Lakeside Country Club in Bloomington, Illinois where she spent many Friday nights with her many, Many, MANY dear, close friends. That is one spot, like the TV show “Cheers” where “Everybody Knows Her Name”!
A round of drinks in her name would certainly bring a cheer from the crowd. “TO PHYLLIS…!” you can almost hear the roar as they toast their drinks… “SALUTE!!!”
The funeral services for my Mother were in Sioux Falls, SD. Her ashes were preserved in the walls of the Holy St Matthews Episcopal Church of Bloomington, Illinois during an interment ritual. Locally, her one-year death anniversary mass is scheduled at Saint Paul’s Episcopal Church in Lancaster CA.
In lieu of cash or condolence cards, a $5 bag of food can be donated to the Midwest Food Bank.
Let it be known to ALL PEOPLE OF THIS EARTH that MY Mother was the BEST Mother in the Whole Wide World!
And Mother, I will honor your words and actions by forgiving those that have trespassed against us. “Forgive Them, they know not what they do”, “Be the Bigger Man”, and “Endure to Persevere” are words I will carry in my heart forever!
I was listening, Mom!
REST IN PEACE, MY MOTHER! I LOVE YOU! I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!
MUCH, MUCH LOVE,
MORRIS LEE "Gump"
[Authour’s Update: on Tuesday, a week after her passing, we discovered that our new pet little white cockatoo hen (with blue eyes) had just laid an egg! Her name is Lady LaLa, aka “Jean Jean #2”, a Goffin Cockatoo. It is so very wonderful to experience the big circle of life! –M 2]
Bless You All!
(Please donate to the struggling writer. @ Bless you!)